Purim: The Transformation of Queen Esther: The Unexpected Key to Self-Discovery

BS"D

I dedicate this Purim Torah though as a zechus for a blessed and speedy refuah sheleimah for Malka bas Sarah and David Tzvi Hersch ben Rochel.

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Don’t we all face times in our lives where we say, “My life is the biggest mystery”?  Usually our sentiments at these moments gravitate towards dejected.  “Life is a mystery.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m at a dead end; I don’t know how I got here and I am clueless as to how I’m going to get out.”  But don’t rush so fast!  Before you turn away - deeper into a maze of unforseen tricks twisting your path into greater chaos - contemplate that this very spot, where you seem so trapped, just might be your key to freedom.

Why does Hashem cause suffering?  It is a wake-up call that presses us to find the Emes (truth).  It cleanses us and elevates us, if only we choose to reframe it as an opportunity to do so.  Your pain isn’t worthless.  In fact, your struggle, and all the effort you invest into picking up the pieces, reaching higher and growing, is so precious to Hashem.  When a baby is learning how to walk, first he stands up with his father’s support, proceeds a few steps, and… falls down.  The father didn’t prevent his child from falling; in fact, he’s standing back a few feet away!  Was this cruel?  No, for this is the only way he can really strengthen his little one, and motivate him to walk on his own. You might call it call it “tough love.”  Sometimes we need a little, as it’s integral to our growth.  Hashem withheld children from many of our ancestors, in order that they reach the peak of sterling prayer, and rise higher in their holiness.  The Midrash enlightens us that the purpose of anti-semitism, is an indicator to us that we must strengthen our devotion to Torah, and to unite in greater solidarity in our unique identity and faith.  Although it sometimes defies our human understanding, G-d has a reason for everything He causes to pass, and every situation you find yourself in, be it light or dark, bitter or sweet, easy or rough, good or ‘bad.’

By chapter ten of Megillat Esther (the Scroll of Esther), King Achashverosh had passed Haman’s decree to annihilate every single Jew.  It was then that Mordechai, sage and leader of Persian Jewry at the time, urged Esther, captive queen of the Persian crown, to take action:  She needed to go to the king, reveal her Jewish identity which had been concealed up till now, and plead for mercy on behalf of her nation.  When she resisted such an idea - for various reasons, including that entering before the king unsummoned could cost her life - Mordechai pressed:

"כִּ֣י אִם־הַֽחֲרֵ֣שׁ תַּֽחֲרִ֘ישִׁי֘ בָּעֵ֣ת הַזֹּאת֒ רֶ֣וַח וְהַצָּלָ֞ה יַֽעֲמ֤וֹד לַיְּהוּדִים֙ מִמָּק֣וֹם אַחֵ֔ר וְאַ֥תְּ וּבֵֽית־אָבִ֖יךְ תֹּאבֵ֑דוּ וּמִ֣י יוֹדֵ֔עַ אִם־לְעֵ֣ת כָּזֹ֔את הִגַּ֖עַתְּ לַמַּלְכֽוּת:"

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and rescue will arise for the Jews from elsewhere, and you and your father's household will perish*; and who knows if for an hour like this you attained royalty?" {Verse 14}

Mordechai’s cry resounds throughout the millennia and generations, and is significant for every individual today.

Esther haMalka (Queen Esther), as she is famously known today, was born to a very different name: Hadassah, rooted in the Hebrew “hadas - myrtle.”  Hadassim are valued for their fragrance (on a side note: scent is the holiest of the five senses, Kabbalistically entwined with high spiritual planes) which is only tangible if the herbage is crushed.  She acquired the name Esther later on, when she “masteret - concealed” the facts of her Israelite identity and faith while subjected to palace life.  This is not just coincidence, for a name reflects a person’s essence and life-mission, and our historic Queen’s is a powerful example.  Hadassah would only fulfill the potential she was created to achieve when she was ‘crushed’ by her challenge - being forced to conceal herself.  Only then would her true self and deepest essence irradiate.

We all have our natural inclinations and struggles, large and small, to overcome in life.  The events of the Purim story appear to be very natural; an epic saga of human-directed intrigue, schemes and palatial affairs.  Interestingly, Hashem’s Name, is not mentioned even once in the Megillah, lending to its coincidental presentation.  Within ourselves, there is a raging battle between light and dark, the holy and unholy inclinations.  We strive for the G-dly element of our souls to take the reigns, so to speak, over our animal self… our “nature.”  The G-dly soul and animal soul were embodied by Esther, granddaughter of Jacob (also known as "Israel") and Haman, grandson of Amalek.  The tribe of Amalek, who the Torah commands us to eliminate, no longer exists physically, but its voice, influence and essence lingers within us.  With the power of Torah and holiness, Esther triumphed over Amalek in the past, and it is within our power to succeed again.

Although it is a veritable toil, we needn’t ever become heavy-hearted because of it, for it isn’t beyond our reach; Dovid haMelech (King David) exhorts us in his Sefer Tehillim (Psalms), “Ivdu es-Hashem biSimcha - Serve G-d with joy!”  ‘Tis the season, especially since “Mishenichnas Adar Marbim biSimcha - When Adar enters, we increase in joy.”  This is most surely the predominant theme of Purim.  How is it possible, though, to transform from sadness to joy, when they are polar opposites?  The Tanya teaches that you must first choose to redirect your atzvus (depression) as merirut (bitterness).  Bitterness, unlike stifling, unproductive depression, is stirringly emotional, a yearning for closeness with something higher, and to improve.  The hadas, myrtle, is well known for its bitter taste.  The Hadassa of our story - Esther - certainly cried bitter tears throughout her arduous circumstance, yet came through with flying colors, lifesaving results, eternal reward, and profound self-discovery.  When we break our personal “laws of nature” and redefine our limitations, the “real me” is revealed.  There is really no greater joy as when you shatter your prison and embrace the truth and light.

Nisyonos (challenges) are obscuring.  Miracles are often hidden, as is the one that’s your inner self.  It’s in your hands to transform the test into a revelation.  Indeed… “Mi yodeya - Who knows” if for just this challenge was the purpose of your creation?  Who knows if you were brought to this difficult spot for the miracle of transformation and positive growth, of yourself and beyond?  Every step of the way, always remember that when you’re crushed, your essence is bared in all its pristine, overwhelming power.  We, the daughters and sons of Hashem Malkeinu (G-d our King), Jewish royalty, are as the Esthers of today.

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May you all be blessed with only revealed miracles and good, strength and success, and a very Freilehen Purim/Purim Sameach/Happy Purim!  May we all be reunited once and forever in pure joy with the coming of Moshiach, may it be speedily in our days!

*(NOTE: Were you perhaps perplexed or caught off-guard by this rather harsh-sounding clause?  I certainly was.  I thank my dear teacher Mrs. Nechama Laber for inspiringly elucidating the solution for me just the following morning after my question was sparked.  In Jewish tradition, we believe in gilgul (reincarnation) of the soul.  If a person - or rather, a particular soul, did not fulfill its mission in this world during its lifetime, Hashem returns the soul to this world in a new life in another body, the vehicle through which it can make Tikkun (rectification) for its past shortcoming and be perfected.  The Benjaminite Queen Esther's overthrow of Haman, seed of the wicked Amalek who we are commanded to eliminate (please see here and here for Torah sources and clarification), was Tikkun for her grandfather's Shaul's error in allowing Agag (an Amalekite king) to live, against the explicit word of Hashem.  After Shaul's failure, responsibility for completion of the deed (to a certain degree) was entrusted to, for she was as his gilgul.  When we face struggles in life, and inquire "Why me?" it is empowering yet humbling to realize - on the flip side of the coin - it is not entirely about us.  It may also be the completion of a journey, and healing of the past.)

Parshat Tetzaveh Reflection: The Altar-native

BS"D

(Sourced from the Temple Institute)

I dedicate this parsha post l'lui nishmas Rut bas Sarah, a woman known for her generosity, chessed, and warmest consideration of each individual she encountered.

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Parshas Tetzaveh... and yet more chapters to follow brimming with most intricate details of the workings and crafts of the holy Mishkan (Tabernacle), a home and resting place for G-d in the barren wilderness, a physical manifestation of what we continue to sustain in a spiritual microcosm today.

The Menorah and finely-crushed oil for fuel; the richly fabricated vestments of the Kohanim; korbanos of savory aroma rising to the very heavens in a pillar of smoke; all these elements and much more are enumerated in this parsha, near concluding a brilliant blueprint for a rendezvous for heaven and earth, where human creativity and delight was entirely suffused with Divine purpose, a palace of glory for the King.

After Hashem instructed Moshe concerning the rituals involved in sanctifying and initiating the Kohanim into their holy avoda (service), which included an offering, the altar is ascended yet again with a new korban, listed in the fifth portion:

"Ufar chatas ta'aseh layom al-hakipurim v'chiteisa al-hamizbei'ach b'chapercha alav umashachta oso l'kadsho - And a bull as a sin offering you shall offer up every day for the atonements, and you shall purify the altar by performing atonement upon it, and you shall anoint it, in order to sanctify it."  {Shemos 29:36}

You might wonder what in particular caused a korban-chatas (sin-offering) to be required.  Fortunately Rashi, "Supercommentator" on the Torah, illuminates us.  In a simple light, he explains that it served "al-hakipurim - for the atonements," meaning to make kaparah for any foreign or detestable offenses with the altar.  On a deeper level, he also draws down from the Midrash in Torat Kohanim, that this offering presented on the mizbeiach would compensate for the possibility of a stolen item donated and unwittingly utilized in the construction of the Mishkan as a whole.
Similar to how the use of an iron implement - a symbol of destruction and enmity - invalidated the mizbeiach - representative of peace and longevity - in its creation, a purloined good surely compromised the enduring holiness and Emes (truth) of the House of Hashem.

A reflection of my own on this Torah-jewel:

Today, when the privilege and responsibility of maintaining the Bais haMikdash is temporarily removed from our hands, our very own homes have been transformed into mini-Mikdashim.  (I was very inspired by Rabbi Moshe Kotlarsky's powerful words at the Kinus HaShluchos 5778/2018, comparing the trademarks of a Torah home to the practices and vessels of the Holy Temple, as he urged the Shluchos from across the world to persevere in their astounding work and continue to touch the lives of other Jews, especially through the Jewish home.)  In our homes, our tables are likened to the Mizbeiach.  If, via the altar, correction could be effectuated (for the possibility of having used stolen items), and it would establish kaparah for the entire Mishkan, then how it must be so at our own tables!  If there is G-dliness and harmony, love and respect at the table, where we really offer all we have to give, it will naturally extend to all other areas of the home and its life, and heal whatever needs to be mended.  Tremendous power and potential rest waiting to be unleashed within every fiber of the table's structure, every morsel of the meal, every pulse of every heart and every spark of every soul of those seated around and partaking of it.

After learning this and meditating for a few moments on it, I resolved to, with Hashem help, invest more care and concern into doing my part at the table to ensure peace, joy, and good connection.  We see for ourselves and can assess how differing family table-scenes play out.  Sadly, there are tables that run cold and silent, perhaps as all those present stare down at electronic devices or social media.  By contrast, there are tables which burst with life, love, warmth and laughter, and probably a few spills, but always goodwill to counterbalance the more chaotic moments.  (The latter reminds me of a Talmudic story my teacher once told me - written up by R' Tuvia Bolton - after she had read it online.  It discussed a perplexing 'blessing' the Rashbi's son had received, of "May your table be a mess!"  Indeed, it was a blessing, albeit a hidden one... that his table be cast into disorder by many offspring; a nachas-factory and true joy!)  It is very likely that whatever mood courses around the table at mealtimes is reflected in the family's relationship and daily life in general.  Which sounds to you more welcoming to G-d?  What do you desire for your mini-Mikdash to look like, feel like, sound like, run like?  They are very significant points indeed to consider. 

After all, your table is one of those sacred places where heaven meets earth. 

Parshat Terumah: For the Love of G-d

BS"D

I dedicate this parsha post l'ilui nishmas all those who were murdered in the attack on the Douglas High School in Florida, and as a zechus for salvation, healing, strength and comfort for their families and survivors.

It is not up to us to justify another's pain and trauma - G-d forbid!  Rather, we must stand by them in their suffering, sympathize and empathize, listen and assist, all the while remembering in our hearts and minds that G-d has an ultimate plan.  Its divine design is beyond our understanding and perception, but one day, the meaning and question of all will be revealed.  I suppose some might term that the "leap of faith."  And they are right.  We believe in a brighter future - and we know that the darkest hour is before the dawn - but are we aware that we're partners in ushering it in?

The victims of the shooting were of varying ages, but the majority were young people, who probably lived with a unique energy, zeal and idealism characteristic of so many teens.  Why were they taken in their prime, with so much possibility and potential ahead?  Perhaps the question is not "Why?" as much as "How?"  How can we pick up the shattered and scattered pieces?  How can we continue the path that they had begun to blaze?  How can we perpetuate their legacy?  We are taught by our Sages that "the Gates of Tears are never closed."  Rav Yitzchok Hutner famously stated, “The purpose of prayer is not to get us out of trouble. The purpose of trouble is to get us into prayer.”  Utilizing human imagery, we are taught that G-d possesses a very precious goblet, into which He collects every tear we shed.  When the burning tears reach the rim of the goblet and flow over, that is when we will meet Redemption.

Still, we must remember that only sincere, emotional prayer coupled with positive action (and of course Hashem's will and assistance) can warrant a true and sustainable difference, and forge the proper keili (vessel) to draw down infinite blessings in full from Above.  What can we do in the sacred memory of those who were lost?  We can give tzedakah, offer our services as volunteers, campaign and make calls, motivate others to take on mitzvos and resolutions in their merit.  And of course... let's unite as one, and learn to love unconditionally, one human being their fellow, for that is the only key to remedy such evil and darkness as that has occurred.  Love and harmony between people is indeed reflected in our relationship with our Creator Himself.  Let's stir and storm the heavens above.

Hashem guides us "Uvacharta bachayim - And you shall choose life!" {Devarim 30:19}.  Indeed... choose life, and live... for them.  For them, and all those we've been forced to bid farewell to before... for now.  May we step over the threshold of Geulah and greet our loved ones once more with the coming of Moshiach, speedily in our days.

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Hit the time-travel button to five years ago... I'm sitting in shul listening to the Kriah, and following along in my Chumash with the translation.  It is Shabbos Parshas Terumah, and I am now learning the dimensions and details of the workings of the Mishkan (Tabernacle) - the structure that was the foretaste and predecessor of the more permanent Beis haMikdash to be established in Yerushalayim a while into the future.  My young and uninitiated mind (and I won't boast that I am today so greatly transformed), perceives tremendous repetition, and I decide to cheat.  My crime entails skipping and flipping pages ahead until I pass into a fresh concept.  My eyes cross and head hurt attempting to differentiate between loops and rings and pegs and sockets.  After it being mentioned probably a hundred and fifteen times, I wonder what on earth a "cubit" is.  I was never one for the numbers and arithmetic, and if I read the calculating measurements of curtains or boards one more time, I'm going to bang my head against the wall.

Indeed, we may ask, "What was the point of it all?"  When it comes to the Ohel Moed - the Tent of Meeting in which Moshe spoke to G-d Himself and the Kohanim performed their holy work - why does the Torah devote chapter upon chapter to the most mundane action and description of manual labor and craftsmanship, instead of lofty secrets and saintly inspiration?

If you truly believe in Creation, then in conjunction with the "The Beginning," your belief also includes that the same G-d who created the world in 6 days me'ayin yesh (ex nihilo), is the same One and Only G-d who perpetuates creation without pause, vitalizing every microcosm and macrocosm with but a nurturing ray of His infinite light; or else, everything as we know it would cease to exist, and revert to absolute nothingness.  The world ain't runnin' on autopilot; it is all quite intentional.  Therefore, everything - and I mean everything, from the stone on the ground to the most transcendent idea to each and every living being - is invested by G-d with a spark of light, Emes (truth), and purpose... in its deepest essence, Him.

Hashem established a goal (though it may sometimes be concealed by obtuse and resistant Kelipos [shells]) for every existence in creation.  He bestowed upon us the mission and privilege to reveal and release those imprisoned sparks of holiness and return them to Him, by elevating the "thing" through employing it for the purpose Hashem intended, as directed by the Torah.  The Torah is no archaic book of history, drama or accounts, but rather a 'blueprint' of sorts for us to live by, a condensation and transmittal of the brilliant wisdom of the Master Architect of it all.
This week's parsha opens with Hashem addressing Moshe Rabbeinu:

"'Dabeir el-Bnei Yisrael vayikchu-Li terumah mei'eis kol-ish asher yidvenu libo tikchu es-t'rumasi' - 'Speak to the Children of Israel, and have them take for Me an offering; from every person whose heart inspires him to generosity, you shall take My offering.'" {Shemos 25:2}

The word "terumah - offering," is rooted in the Hebrew word "rom (רמ) - high."  Why is this?  Kabbalah teaches that the higher a spark of holiness originally is, the further it falls, waiting to be picked up, polished, and its incredible worth rediscovered.  For clarity's sake, let's use a mashal (parable):  Picture a tower of stones, and at its very top sits a precious gem.  Something causes the cairn to collapse, and the highest entity - the jewel - tumbles the furthest, burrowing into the dust.  Someone walks by the toppled pile, and observes a glint in the earth.  There's a possibility that - and behold! - it's a jewel!  He dusts it off and wipes it down, and now, he desires to find, and return it to, the original owner.  The individual passing by is symbolic of us, the entire Jewish People, except that we don't simply happen upon such opportunities by chance; rather, the charge was placed into our hands as a nation at Har Sinai.  Matan Torah was the time and place at which all barriers were broken between the "holy" and "mundane," the "physical" and "spiritual," which had originally been totally foreign to one another.  The Torah is our guide in order to accomplish this mind-altering fusion.  It is significant that it was bestowed upon us just prior to the initiation of the intricate Mishkan project.  It is on our hands to bring "heaven down to earth."  Indeed, this is Hashem's will:  Just as it all came from One, so it shall be united once more.

The Mishkan, and later along our timeline, the Batei Mikdash, were conduits in establishing this union and peace.  They were sanctuaries of ultimate harmony, where not only we could climb high and come close to meet our dear Father in Heaven, but also a place, a House, where He would be comfortable in our material world.  While the Bais haMikdash has been temporarily removed from our charge, our homes, our synagogues, and even our own bodies, have become as miniature Batei Mikdash.  There are times when we may question why we have so many mitzvos - six hundred and thirteen, plus all Rabbinic mitzvos and safeguards, and on top of that minhagim (customs) - that govern every element and area of our existence.  "Mitzvah" does not only mean "commandment," but also denotes "connection."  Your mitzvah is your vehicle to connect with Hashem, with mindfulness and devotion.  Torah and mitzvos create the framework that is absolutely necessary to establish and enhance a "dirah b'tachtonim - a dwelling place in the lower worlds" for Hashem.

Imagine the efforts you would invest in preparing your home for a guest, tidying up not only his room, but refreshing the house as a whole; shopping and cooking your best recipes for a gourmet meal; encouraging your family to brainstorm polite conversation or interesting story ideas to keep their guest entertained; and of course, review table-manners.  You don't simply want to impress, but you also strive to make your guest as at ease as if they were in their own home.  Now, try to envision the lengths you would go to for royalty, a king!

Now... pause, rewind, and reframe:  All those countless "technical details," and all those mitzvos are no longer excessive, messhuggezze, repetitive, and the like.  Every detail is sacred, every particle endowed with Divine purpose - and Hashem's will and wisdom.  They are the building blocks of a fitting home for our King.  Even when they might not make the most sense to us - such as whether we should use silver or gold to cover the poles, or why we must not wear shaatnez (clothing made from both linen and wool) - we will nevertheless do it for Him.  This is one key in cultivating loving and healthy relationships:  Even if what you want or perhaps need doesn't make sense to me, even if I wouldn't find satisfaction in it myself, since I love you (quirks and all), what you desire is my desire as well.  It doesn't need to be rational all the time.  I love You, Hashem, and fulfilling Your desire is one way I express it.*  Although we don't carry out mitzvos for the sake of receiving something in return, Hashem does bless us with the greatest reward in the merit of our dedication:

"'V'asu Li mikdash v'shachanti b'socham' - 'And they shall make Me a sanctuary and I will dwell in their midst.'" {Shemos 25:8}

Hashem wants a relationship with us.  When we do our part, He will join us - "Shachahnti b'socham - I will dwell within them."  For the love of G-d... let's do all we can, together, to make it a union of harmony and delight.


*Inspired by and sourced from a 11213.org lecture by the esteemed Rabbi Manis Friedman.